And I really don't care.
To me, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is about as important as President's Day. President's Day, for those who are too young to remember, is what they came up with instead of Washington and Lincoln's birthdays. I'm just old enough to remember them being on the calendar, and then disappearing.
But yes, both are useless days. What about JFK Day then? Or Susan B. Anthony Day? After all, both also made huge contributions to who we are today too, just like MLK Jr, Washington, and Lincoln.
So for me folks, it's just another day in honor of another person and I don't care. We had a lot of people in history that made significant changes to the country by rallying the masses somehow, and not all of them have days dedicated to them. I don't see what makes MLK Jr. any better than anyone else.
I know why he's on the calendar though, he's black. I'm sorry, but that's exactly what it is. And most kids only care because hey, they get the day off from school. And that's all any kid really wants.
I definitely only cared for that reason.
And I know the history of who he was, and what he did. He really did help gain equality between the races. And that's wonderful.
But he's no more special than Susan B. Anthony was during Women's Suffrage.
He was simply a figurehead to a movement that changed the country. You learn about it in history class, and you breeze over it because math is going to get you further in life than history most of the time.
So when I read this article, I couldn't help but smile. Finally a governor who is a real person. He said it like it was, and he's not caving in because a group of people who are a part of the "disadvantaged" minority (we'll cover why they're not disadvantaged another blog entry) are crying racist, basically.
Past actions show he obviously isn't, but it sounds to me like the NAACP wants him to drop life to be there, because hey, it's MLK Jr Day and we all should understand how worldly this man was.
I agree, kiss my butt.
It's just another day, and there is entirely too much hype over it.
And for anyone wondering about Columbus Day, I think we can all agree that discovering a new continent is pretty monumental. But, still just another day.
Besides, Columbus was a bastard. And some reports say the same of MLK Jr.
That's life though. Take another step forward and keep moving.
And don't get your panties in a bunch over such a silly day.
Especially all you people in the south. NAACP is also upset because the south wants kids in school on Monday to make up for snow days. So sorry NAACP, but they need the education, and the south doesn't plan for snow days. MLK Jr. Day is not a national holiday, so it has to be done.
Put your big people panties on and deal with it. It's not like they're doing it to spite you.
Really, I think a lot of people need to stop playing victim and just understand that things happen, history doesn't change, and life goes on.
I think I'm being too hopeful.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Can't stop the smoke
In the little area I live in, we have a school. It's not very big, as evidenced by the fact that the elementary, middle, and high school are all one building, built on old farmland. The average graduating class is about 70-80 kids, and they are comprised of two full towns, plus the fringes of several others.
There aren't many people here.
So because of that, what little amount of businesses we have here we try to support, to keep our own little economy going. And we don't have much. One little market, and one market/diner, and an Agway (that is going out of business), really. At least in the heart of town.
For years kids have been crossing the street to the little diner for lunch once they've hit their Junior/Senior years of high school, provided their parents sign a waiver saying they can.
The school however for the last few years has been trying to stop this from happening so that kids can't go over there and smoke.
They went as far as trying to purchase the diner and get rid of it, to turn it into another of our many soccer fields. This was shot down by the community though, and the school was unable to purchase the property. Especially because above this diner are two apartments with people living in them.
So as of this month they finally found their way to stop it. They're just taking the privilege away, and claiming it's because the road is too busy. Which, let me assure you, it's not. The only death we ever had was when one kid stabbed another over a CD about 13 years or so ago.
The real reason is the smoking. They hate that kids can go over there, stand just off the parking lot on the grass, and smoke. And now by forbidding the kids from going over there, they're effectively killing probably half of the business the diner does.
But local economy aside, the point I'd like to make is that smokers are going to smoke. They have the D.A.R.E. program still, they teach about it in health class. Everyone knows that it's bad for you. But if a kid really wants a cigarette, they're going to find a way to have one.
If not at the diner, then they'll just go back to how they did it before they were allowed over there--by going to the graveyard that is right next to the school, hiding behind the caretaker shed, and smoking there.
It doesn't matter how much you teach people, how much you limit their privileges, and how much you threaten them. If they are going to do something, they're going to do it. Smoking is no different.
Kids have friends who will buy them cigarettes.
Contrary to popular believe, they do know what the consequences are health wise.
They're creative enough to find a way around the rules to smoke.
And if they want to, they will.
Would it be awesome if the world became smoker free? Yes. Is it? Absolutely not.
Lets face it, smoking really does help a lot of people relieve stress and anxiety. It's a calming thing, and so people are drawn towards it. I don't smoke myself, but both my parents do, and I have friends who are smokers. It doesn't make them any less intelligent, and they're not bad people.
So while we can preach to everyone we meet with a cigarette in their hand about how it's blackening their lungs with tar, and that they're sucking in fiberglass and rat poison; we're probably not going to change the fact that they are a smoker.
If you think about it though, why should we try changing the people? Smoking has existed for a long time, and when the Indians (Native Americans if you wish) were doing so it wasn't harmful to them.
Know why?
Because they were smoking tobacco. Pure, straight from the plant tobacco. No additives, no pesticides, just tobacco.
So maybe the issue isn't that we're smoking, but it's what we're smoking. Maybe someone should start manufacturing a cigarette that isn't full of harmful chemicals, and see what that does.
At least then the smokers can smoke something that's maybe not all that bad for them.
Because honestly, I don't think pipe smokers have the same issues as cigarette smokers. And I know marijuana smokers don't, minus the whole loosing brain cells thing.
The whole difference is in the processing of what they're smoking. That's it.
So I really think that we ought to do something to change what we can, which isn't the people.
We can change the cigarettes if we really want to. After all, we're making them.
You can't stop people from smoking. But at least you can make it less unhealthy for them.
There aren't many people here.
So because of that, what little amount of businesses we have here we try to support, to keep our own little economy going. And we don't have much. One little market, and one market/diner, and an Agway (that is going out of business), really. At least in the heart of town.
For years kids have been crossing the street to the little diner for lunch once they've hit their Junior/Senior years of high school, provided their parents sign a waiver saying they can.
The school however for the last few years has been trying to stop this from happening so that kids can't go over there and smoke.
They went as far as trying to purchase the diner and get rid of it, to turn it into another of our many soccer fields. This was shot down by the community though, and the school was unable to purchase the property. Especially because above this diner are two apartments with people living in them.
So as of this month they finally found their way to stop it. They're just taking the privilege away, and claiming it's because the road is too busy. Which, let me assure you, it's not. The only death we ever had was when one kid stabbed another over a CD about 13 years or so ago.
The real reason is the smoking. They hate that kids can go over there, stand just off the parking lot on the grass, and smoke. And now by forbidding the kids from going over there, they're effectively killing probably half of the business the diner does.
But local economy aside, the point I'd like to make is that smokers are going to smoke. They have the D.A.R.E. program still, they teach about it in health class. Everyone knows that it's bad for you. But if a kid really wants a cigarette, they're going to find a way to have one.
If not at the diner, then they'll just go back to how they did it before they were allowed over there--by going to the graveyard that is right next to the school, hiding behind the caretaker shed, and smoking there.
It doesn't matter how much you teach people, how much you limit their privileges, and how much you threaten them. If they are going to do something, they're going to do it. Smoking is no different.
Kids have friends who will buy them cigarettes.
Contrary to popular believe, they do know what the consequences are health wise.
They're creative enough to find a way around the rules to smoke.
And if they want to, they will.
Would it be awesome if the world became smoker free? Yes. Is it? Absolutely not.
Lets face it, smoking really does help a lot of people relieve stress and anxiety. It's a calming thing, and so people are drawn towards it. I don't smoke myself, but both my parents do, and I have friends who are smokers. It doesn't make them any less intelligent, and they're not bad people.
So while we can preach to everyone we meet with a cigarette in their hand about how it's blackening their lungs with tar, and that they're sucking in fiberglass and rat poison; we're probably not going to change the fact that they are a smoker.
If you think about it though, why should we try changing the people? Smoking has existed for a long time, and when the Indians (Native Americans if you wish) were doing so it wasn't harmful to them.
Know why?
Because they were smoking tobacco. Pure, straight from the plant tobacco. No additives, no pesticides, just tobacco.
So maybe the issue isn't that we're smoking, but it's what we're smoking. Maybe someone should start manufacturing a cigarette that isn't full of harmful chemicals, and see what that does.
At least then the smokers can smoke something that's maybe not all that bad for them.
Because honestly, I don't think pipe smokers have the same issues as cigarette smokers. And I know marijuana smokers don't, minus the whole loosing brain cells thing.
The whole difference is in the processing of what they're smoking. That's it.
So I really think that we ought to do something to change what we can, which isn't the people.
We can change the cigarettes if we really want to. After all, we're making them.
You can't stop people from smoking. But at least you can make it less unhealthy for them.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Depression isn't always a choice
I'd like to take tonight to step away from the news, and step away from controversial topics to speak about something that I think doesn't have enough good literature out there on it. I want to talk about depression, because it's something that I've dealt with for a long time, and have had a lot of time to think about and come to a general understanding on.
I'm not a psychologist, nor a neural scientist. I can't claim that I know exactly what's going on with the chemicals in the brain, nor can I say I've done a study on these things.
What I can tell you is that I'm a real person with a real problem, and that people with similar issues come to me. Birds of a feather flock together, or so they say.
I feel that depression is something that is widely misunderstood all around. So many people claim that there has to be a cause, a trigger of some sort. Many times when I've told people I have depression, they want to know why. There are those who say my life is good, I have no reason to be depressed. And they're absolutely right, I don't.
Depression doesn't need a trigger. This much science does know. Depression can be triggered by something, or it can be a chemical imbalance in the brain. I do think that chemical imbalance needs a trigger though, but our brains work in such odd ways that I can't even begin to guess at what could trigger such a thing that isn't traumatic.
So I simply tell people I have clinical depression, and they just sort of smile and nod. I know they really don't understand, but they don't often question it either. Those who share what I have understand, and those who don't... well, they just don't get it.
On top of this I also have seasonal depression when winter hits. That is, when the sun is further from the earth, and the color and life is drained from the world around me, I get depressed. I think this is directly related to less Vitamin D in my system (which comes from the sun), and because we as human beings are not really made for cold weather. I also think I have a trigger for it though, possibly, because when I was struggling with the IBS I would often freeze myself by any means necessary to get myself numb to the pain, and fall asleep that way. So now my brain also associates cold with tiredness and discomfort.
Most people understand the seasonal depression though, and so that's not a big deal. A lot of people have it, actually.
But the clinical depression, as I've come to call it... that's the tough one. That's the one that people just don't understand. Some people don't realize they have it. And the solution for it is usually therapy, drugs, or a combination of the two.
I'd like to tell you that neither are necessarily a good option. If you truly need to work out issues, therapy might help--but only if you find a therapist that you can connect with. Any old therapist just won't do. This is evidenced by the fact that I had a therapist, and she tried using reverse psychology on me, and in the end it just made me almost quit school! We weren't a good fit, and I stopped going to see her after three sessions.
The next step was medication. I was put on 25mg of Zoloft to start, and it did work for me. A low dosage is all it takes for me, because I don't take medication if I can help it. So, when I do take it, it's very effective. You're looking at a girl who can kill a cold with children's medication still.
So the Zoloft took the edge off, and made me a functional human being.
Sort of.
You see, while I was happy and able to do day-to-day tasks, I also felt trapped inside my own mind. I often found myself thinking "Wow... this is what it feels like to be normal?" or "If it weren't for the meds, I don't think I'd be doing this..." It was a very weird sensation. So as nice as it was to not always have that nagging feeling tugging at my very essence, urging me to just curl up and ignore the world; feeling much like a living zombie was not that great either.
Still, the medication allowed me to get back on my feet, and I took myself off of it after a year. Had to, because it was driving me crazy.
The difference between myself and most people who take anti-depressants though, is that my doctor stayed in contact with me about them. When they weren't working and I still needed them, we upped the dose. And I went back to see her after a week to make sure they weren't making things worse. She is a doctor who is willing to work with her patients to make sure that things work as they are intended. That is very important in this situation.
These days though I don't take the medication. I've figured out how to fight back against the depression, and not let it control me.
I don't want it to, after all.
Depression is this feeling that burns to your very core, that you have no purpose. It's the feeling of being stuck in one place, watching the world and the people you care about passing you by. It's a feeling that no matter what you do, you can't catch up to those people. You're stuck and trapped, and you can't get out.
It's this feeling that you can't reach out to anyone either, because you have no voice. No matter what you say, no one understands. And when you talk about the problems, most people simply tell you "Chin up, tomorrow is a better day", or offer you a hug and hopes that you feel better. No matter how much you tell them, they can never seem to understand and offer you words of advice. They never seem to be able to truly reach out to you and give you the help you need. No one seems to understand that what you need most is someone who can hold your hand and be there for you when you need to simply cry.
And because no one understands, eventually you learn the ability to speak about things. After all, there is no sense in speaking about it if no one can help anyways. And so you become secluded, locked inside your own mind.
Sometimes you always were locked inside your own mind, never able to really talk about what it is that's bothering you, because you just don't know. And many times people just get fed up with you and ignore the problem. Say you're overly emotional and pass you by.
Depression makes one do strange things, because it causes an inner-numbness.
People do not understand why cutting is such a trend. They don't understand how one can take a knife or razor to their own skin.
I would like to tell you that I cut myself once. And it wasn't difficult to do, even using a dull blade, because I needed to feel something. Depression numbs you from the inside out, until you wonder what it's like to feel. And so you pick up a knife to see if you're really alive.
For some, the pain is an escape. Pain releases endorphins that cloud the mind, and so while they're in pain they can also experience a specific type of euphoria--something that they long for but can't seem to achieve any other way.
And it's for both of these two reasons that cutting is a serious issue, and very addicting. Just like drugs, it's a gateway to what you want.
Depression also messes with the mind. I am a person who has a very sharp mind, and I can remember things that most cannot. I've always been a good student and a quick learner, because my retention rate is so high. But my mother can always tell when I'm depressed, because I get forgetful.
I have spaces in my life that are just lost. I can't even vaguely remember anything. There are just black spots in my memory, where I know something belongs but I couldn't tell you what it is.
The scariest one I have is from right before my depression peaked. I lost six months of time, where I look back and I can't tell you anything that happened. People talk about events, things I was at, and I have no recollection of them. It was just one day I felt like I suddenly woke up, and there was the world around me. But I know that's not the case.
My childhood is very much like that. I can remember my third birthday party a bit, I remember the day my little brother was born. I remember stealing my sister's pacifier and bottle. But there is this large blank area in there. I am told that during that time my family was going through financial issues, and I actually wrote a letter to my grandmother about this. She still has the letter, and I have no memory of it.
I remember too in kindergarten, wondering what would happen if I died.
Looking back on this, I realize I was depressed and suicidal at a young age, I just didn't know it.
So no, depression doesn't necessarily have a trigger. And those who suffer in its grasp are often forlorn, and will exhibit behavior that is odd to their nature. I am one that becomes distant and forgetful. I lose my appetite for the world, and just lay in bed all day doing nothing but living in my own mind.
Others may pursue other things, such as going from one with a lot of morals and decency to a person who just wants to have fun--too much of it. Or perhaps they will start hanging with a different crowd of people, people whom they hope (or claim) understand them better.
But the dangerous ones are the ones like me who reach that suicidal stage. They will make an attempt, no matter how trivial.
For me, it was anorexia. I am not one who could ever take pills, or actually slice a vein open the right way to die, nor hang myself. But anorexia, that was something I could do. Not eating isn't hard when you lack a proper appetite.
And people who are suicidal will reach out to someone, because they never want to die alone. Being alone is the biggest fear one has when depressed, so they will try to keep at least one person around as much as possible. And it really is usually just one person, be it a friend, a lover, or a family member. Sometimes it's as small as a pet.
That said, it probably seems like those of us with depression are hopeless cases. But I did say that I had found ways to battle depression.
The biggest thing is a normal schedule. Rather than letter yourself become nocturnal, and sleeping as you please, you have to set a schedule and stick to it. Vitamin D is the most important thing to keep depression at bay, and that means being up in the daylight.
The regular schedule will also program your brain, which helps in its own way.
I've also found that to trigger more endorphins, safely, exercise is huge. Many people probably don't believe that exercise is good for depression, but it is. However, not just any old exercise will do! Going to the gym and running on the treadmill for an hour is not going to make the depression go away if you hate it. The key to the exercise is finding an activity you enjoy, and sticking to it. For me, it's martial arts and belly dance. Sometimes I also work out with my boyfriend, but it's not my key.
It's also good to find a way to express yourself. Something that lets you get the emotions out, and share them, without being laughed at. That's why many people who are a part of a creative field are often those who suffer from depression--any form of art (theatre, drawing, painting, writing, ect) often lets them express what they need to say. For me, it's photography, and belly dance even. For someone else it could be acting, or singing, or even writing.
Speaking of writing, keeping a personal journal is a good idea too. And not one on the computer necessarily, but a physical one. I just use composition notebooks. Writing out how you're feeling, without fear of people giving you those strange looks or telling you you're crazy, allows you to adequately get things off your chest and mind. And physically writing just works so much better in my eyes.
Those who are depressed are also going to look for that one person they can confide in, though this is the trickiest part. This person has to be someone that they can completely trust to not make fun of them, and not just abandon them. They're a person that will do everything to try and help them, and really listen to what they say. A true, true friend.
If you are that person though, do not be afraid to turn your friend into a counselor if you think they are going to try to kill themselves! While the person may hate you at first, in time they will thank you. If you're feeling up to the task, try to be their mentor to keep living. But I warn you, this is not an easy burden to bear.
The next thing to keep in mind, is that diet can control your mood. Yes, chocolate and ice cream may make you feel good, but they do nothing for your health. So if you're not eating right, and are constantly sick, you're not going to be happy. At least trying to eat better is a way to keep depression at bay.
These are definitely not end-all-be-all methods though, and they probably don't work for everyone. However, they can make depression manageable so you can keep living, and try to stay above it. It's not perfect though, and you will slip here and there. I do still.
Really, I fully believe that there is no cure for depression, because it's not really a disease. It's just how a person is. We don't really understand it all that well, so we can't do much for it. But at least if we can get people to understand that it's a struggle, and to be able to help, it won't be as much of an issue.
Because those who are depressed do not want to be medicated zombies, which is what many mental health clinics do to people. Nor do they want a therapist that just tells them they're wrong in how they think.
It's a delicate balance to find, and even more difficult to maintain. But once you get in a groove, it's much easier to do and you find that you're hooked on what it has to offer, so you keep going.
I have, in essence, become my own best friend and worst enemy when it comes to my depression. I've spent countless hours wondering on it, diagnosing it within myself, and coming to solutions for it. Because of this I'm great for myself because I can help myself rise above it. But I am my own worst enemy because sometimes ignorance is bliss.
I stated before, too, that birds of a feather flock together. Well, for whatever reason I attract other people who, like me, have clinical depression and need someone to reach out to. In high school, and even college, my teachers would often joke that I should charge for my time. If they only knew how serious the things were I were listening to, I don't think they'd have joked about it.
Through listening to people, and my own experiences, I've learned who I must cut loose, and who I can help. I know what to look for in people, to give them ideas to help themselves. I've basically become very empathetic, and I feel that because of this people seek out my friendship.
I've always wanted to help people, so I think it's ironic that for years I was also searching for someone to help me, and never finding that person.
Now I help myself, and have a boyfriend who can be my support. And so I let this spread to others as I support them.
And as I have helped others, I hope that this particular entry helps even more people. If not those who are depressed, then those who don't understand it. I'd like to hope that if you're not depressed, that you come away with an understanding of it so that you can help someone who is. And I hope that if you're finding as you read this that perhaps you are someone fighting with depression, that my advice helps you to find your way back to happiness.
I'm not a psychologist, nor a neural scientist. I can't claim that I know exactly what's going on with the chemicals in the brain, nor can I say I've done a study on these things.
What I can tell you is that I'm a real person with a real problem, and that people with similar issues come to me. Birds of a feather flock together, or so they say.
I feel that depression is something that is widely misunderstood all around. So many people claim that there has to be a cause, a trigger of some sort. Many times when I've told people I have depression, they want to know why. There are those who say my life is good, I have no reason to be depressed. And they're absolutely right, I don't.
Depression doesn't need a trigger. This much science does know. Depression can be triggered by something, or it can be a chemical imbalance in the brain. I do think that chemical imbalance needs a trigger though, but our brains work in such odd ways that I can't even begin to guess at what could trigger such a thing that isn't traumatic.
So I simply tell people I have clinical depression, and they just sort of smile and nod. I know they really don't understand, but they don't often question it either. Those who share what I have understand, and those who don't... well, they just don't get it.
On top of this I also have seasonal depression when winter hits. That is, when the sun is further from the earth, and the color and life is drained from the world around me, I get depressed. I think this is directly related to less Vitamin D in my system (which comes from the sun), and because we as human beings are not really made for cold weather. I also think I have a trigger for it though, possibly, because when I was struggling with the IBS I would often freeze myself by any means necessary to get myself numb to the pain, and fall asleep that way. So now my brain also associates cold with tiredness and discomfort.
Most people understand the seasonal depression though, and so that's not a big deal. A lot of people have it, actually.
But the clinical depression, as I've come to call it... that's the tough one. That's the one that people just don't understand. Some people don't realize they have it. And the solution for it is usually therapy, drugs, or a combination of the two.
I'd like to tell you that neither are necessarily a good option. If you truly need to work out issues, therapy might help--but only if you find a therapist that you can connect with. Any old therapist just won't do. This is evidenced by the fact that I had a therapist, and she tried using reverse psychology on me, and in the end it just made me almost quit school! We weren't a good fit, and I stopped going to see her after three sessions.
The next step was medication. I was put on 25mg of Zoloft to start, and it did work for me. A low dosage is all it takes for me, because I don't take medication if I can help it. So, when I do take it, it's very effective. You're looking at a girl who can kill a cold with children's medication still.
So the Zoloft took the edge off, and made me a functional human being.
Sort of.
You see, while I was happy and able to do day-to-day tasks, I also felt trapped inside my own mind. I often found myself thinking "Wow... this is what it feels like to be normal?" or "If it weren't for the meds, I don't think I'd be doing this..." It was a very weird sensation. So as nice as it was to not always have that nagging feeling tugging at my very essence, urging me to just curl up and ignore the world; feeling much like a living zombie was not that great either.
Still, the medication allowed me to get back on my feet, and I took myself off of it after a year. Had to, because it was driving me crazy.
The difference between myself and most people who take anti-depressants though, is that my doctor stayed in contact with me about them. When they weren't working and I still needed them, we upped the dose. And I went back to see her after a week to make sure they weren't making things worse. She is a doctor who is willing to work with her patients to make sure that things work as they are intended. That is very important in this situation.
These days though I don't take the medication. I've figured out how to fight back against the depression, and not let it control me.
I don't want it to, after all.
Depression is this feeling that burns to your very core, that you have no purpose. It's the feeling of being stuck in one place, watching the world and the people you care about passing you by. It's a feeling that no matter what you do, you can't catch up to those people. You're stuck and trapped, and you can't get out.
It's this feeling that you can't reach out to anyone either, because you have no voice. No matter what you say, no one understands. And when you talk about the problems, most people simply tell you "Chin up, tomorrow is a better day", or offer you a hug and hopes that you feel better. No matter how much you tell them, they can never seem to understand and offer you words of advice. They never seem to be able to truly reach out to you and give you the help you need. No one seems to understand that what you need most is someone who can hold your hand and be there for you when you need to simply cry.
And because no one understands, eventually you learn the ability to speak about things. After all, there is no sense in speaking about it if no one can help anyways. And so you become secluded, locked inside your own mind.
Sometimes you always were locked inside your own mind, never able to really talk about what it is that's bothering you, because you just don't know. And many times people just get fed up with you and ignore the problem. Say you're overly emotional and pass you by.
Depression makes one do strange things, because it causes an inner-numbness.
People do not understand why cutting is such a trend. They don't understand how one can take a knife or razor to their own skin.
I would like to tell you that I cut myself once. And it wasn't difficult to do, even using a dull blade, because I needed to feel something. Depression numbs you from the inside out, until you wonder what it's like to feel. And so you pick up a knife to see if you're really alive.
For some, the pain is an escape. Pain releases endorphins that cloud the mind, and so while they're in pain they can also experience a specific type of euphoria--something that they long for but can't seem to achieve any other way.
And it's for both of these two reasons that cutting is a serious issue, and very addicting. Just like drugs, it's a gateway to what you want.
Depression also messes with the mind. I am a person who has a very sharp mind, and I can remember things that most cannot. I've always been a good student and a quick learner, because my retention rate is so high. But my mother can always tell when I'm depressed, because I get forgetful.
I have spaces in my life that are just lost. I can't even vaguely remember anything. There are just black spots in my memory, where I know something belongs but I couldn't tell you what it is.
The scariest one I have is from right before my depression peaked. I lost six months of time, where I look back and I can't tell you anything that happened. People talk about events, things I was at, and I have no recollection of them. It was just one day I felt like I suddenly woke up, and there was the world around me. But I know that's not the case.
My childhood is very much like that. I can remember my third birthday party a bit, I remember the day my little brother was born. I remember stealing my sister's pacifier and bottle. But there is this large blank area in there. I am told that during that time my family was going through financial issues, and I actually wrote a letter to my grandmother about this. She still has the letter, and I have no memory of it.
I remember too in kindergarten, wondering what would happen if I died.
Looking back on this, I realize I was depressed and suicidal at a young age, I just didn't know it.
So no, depression doesn't necessarily have a trigger. And those who suffer in its grasp are often forlorn, and will exhibit behavior that is odd to their nature. I am one that becomes distant and forgetful. I lose my appetite for the world, and just lay in bed all day doing nothing but living in my own mind.
Others may pursue other things, such as going from one with a lot of morals and decency to a person who just wants to have fun--too much of it. Or perhaps they will start hanging with a different crowd of people, people whom they hope (or claim) understand them better.
But the dangerous ones are the ones like me who reach that suicidal stage. They will make an attempt, no matter how trivial.
For me, it was anorexia. I am not one who could ever take pills, or actually slice a vein open the right way to die, nor hang myself. But anorexia, that was something I could do. Not eating isn't hard when you lack a proper appetite.
And people who are suicidal will reach out to someone, because they never want to die alone. Being alone is the biggest fear one has when depressed, so they will try to keep at least one person around as much as possible. And it really is usually just one person, be it a friend, a lover, or a family member. Sometimes it's as small as a pet.
That said, it probably seems like those of us with depression are hopeless cases. But I did say that I had found ways to battle depression.
The biggest thing is a normal schedule. Rather than letter yourself become nocturnal, and sleeping as you please, you have to set a schedule and stick to it. Vitamin D is the most important thing to keep depression at bay, and that means being up in the daylight.
The regular schedule will also program your brain, which helps in its own way.
I've also found that to trigger more endorphins, safely, exercise is huge. Many people probably don't believe that exercise is good for depression, but it is. However, not just any old exercise will do! Going to the gym and running on the treadmill for an hour is not going to make the depression go away if you hate it. The key to the exercise is finding an activity you enjoy, and sticking to it. For me, it's martial arts and belly dance. Sometimes I also work out with my boyfriend, but it's not my key.
It's also good to find a way to express yourself. Something that lets you get the emotions out, and share them, without being laughed at. That's why many people who are a part of a creative field are often those who suffer from depression--any form of art (theatre, drawing, painting, writing, ect) often lets them express what they need to say. For me, it's photography, and belly dance even. For someone else it could be acting, or singing, or even writing.
Speaking of writing, keeping a personal journal is a good idea too. And not one on the computer necessarily, but a physical one. I just use composition notebooks. Writing out how you're feeling, without fear of people giving you those strange looks or telling you you're crazy, allows you to adequately get things off your chest and mind. And physically writing just works so much better in my eyes.
Those who are depressed are also going to look for that one person they can confide in, though this is the trickiest part. This person has to be someone that they can completely trust to not make fun of them, and not just abandon them. They're a person that will do everything to try and help them, and really listen to what they say. A true, true friend.
If you are that person though, do not be afraid to turn your friend into a counselor if you think they are going to try to kill themselves! While the person may hate you at first, in time they will thank you. If you're feeling up to the task, try to be their mentor to keep living. But I warn you, this is not an easy burden to bear.
The next thing to keep in mind, is that diet can control your mood. Yes, chocolate and ice cream may make you feel good, but they do nothing for your health. So if you're not eating right, and are constantly sick, you're not going to be happy. At least trying to eat better is a way to keep depression at bay.
These are definitely not end-all-be-all methods though, and they probably don't work for everyone. However, they can make depression manageable so you can keep living, and try to stay above it. It's not perfect though, and you will slip here and there. I do still.
Really, I fully believe that there is no cure for depression, because it's not really a disease. It's just how a person is. We don't really understand it all that well, so we can't do much for it. But at least if we can get people to understand that it's a struggle, and to be able to help, it won't be as much of an issue.
Because those who are depressed do not want to be medicated zombies, which is what many mental health clinics do to people. Nor do they want a therapist that just tells them they're wrong in how they think.
It's a delicate balance to find, and even more difficult to maintain. But once you get in a groove, it's much easier to do and you find that you're hooked on what it has to offer, so you keep going.
I have, in essence, become my own best friend and worst enemy when it comes to my depression. I've spent countless hours wondering on it, diagnosing it within myself, and coming to solutions for it. Because of this I'm great for myself because I can help myself rise above it. But I am my own worst enemy because sometimes ignorance is bliss.
I stated before, too, that birds of a feather flock together. Well, for whatever reason I attract other people who, like me, have clinical depression and need someone to reach out to. In high school, and even college, my teachers would often joke that I should charge for my time. If they only knew how serious the things were I were listening to, I don't think they'd have joked about it.
Through listening to people, and my own experiences, I've learned who I must cut loose, and who I can help. I know what to look for in people, to give them ideas to help themselves. I've basically become very empathetic, and I feel that because of this people seek out my friendship.
I've always wanted to help people, so I think it's ironic that for years I was also searching for someone to help me, and never finding that person.
Now I help myself, and have a boyfriend who can be my support. And so I let this spread to others as I support them.
And as I have helped others, I hope that this particular entry helps even more people. If not those who are depressed, then those who don't understand it. I'd like to hope that if you're not depressed, that you come away with an understanding of it so that you can help someone who is. And I hope that if you're finding as you read this that perhaps you are someone fighting with depression, that my advice helps you to find your way back to happiness.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
God Does Not Approve!
Source
"The Westboro Baptist Church said Monday it plans to picket Thursday's funeral for Christina Taylor Green because "God sent the shooter to deal with idolatrous America." The fundamentalist church has picketed many military funerals to draw attention to its view that the deaths are God's punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.
Lawmakers denounced the church's plan to picket a child's funeral.
"This is just horrific that ... people have to deal with this. We shouldn't have to do this in time of great pain for our state," said Sen. Kyrsten Sinema, a Phoenix Democrat."
The minute I saw the article, I KNEW it was the Westboro Baptist jerks up to no good again. After all the protests they've done at soldiers' funerals, and all the disgusting propaganda they've tried to spread, you just begin to learn their mark.
Things get under my skin, but the Westboro Baptist "Church" really just pushes it to the max.
Church, and God, as I understand it are there to save people, and to cleanse you of your sins. And the only one who can pass judgment upon you is God Himself, and He loves all His children, and does offer forgiveness. This is what I was taught while I still attended bible school.
So it just blows my mind to see that there is such a radical group out there who has decided God is killing soldiers, and now innocent people, because He doesn't like homosexuality?
I'm sorry what?
I've heard some serious bull shit in my time, but this just goes up there to be some of the biggest bull shit ever.
And it really just irritates me that these people think they have the right to protest at FUNERALS. People are grieving, and yet here they are making things worse!
But to just go and top it off, they then complain when people try to run them over with cars and throw rocks at them, and the police do little to stop it. What do you expect? You're interrupting a private affair with your protests because you're seriously homophobic and just can't seem to leave well enough alone.
Honestly, I'd probably want to hit you with my car too. Things like this disgust me.
I really don't care if you're homophobic. I don't care if you don't agree with homosexuality. I don't care if you think that God wants to kill us all for whatever reason.
But you DON'T push these ideas on others! And you definitely don't do so by protesting at funerals!
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised for them to protest at a military funeral, and to have one of the fine people who protect the freedom they say they're exercising to free speech and freedom of religion to snap and shoot them.
And it doesn't say much to know that their entire church is comprised only of their own family. Seriously, these are some twisted people.
So I have to give a partial high five to the states who have banned the protest at funerals. I'd give them a big one if they made it illegal period, no matter how far away you were. So what if it's a whole football field, they'll still manage to make their presence known.
Far as I'm concerned, they're committing the tort of nuisance, and should have some serious civil charges brought against them.
And really, it takes a seriously twisted group to cheer for the deaths of people, especially children. Absolutely disgusting.
Westboro disgusts me beyond belief. And this just reinforces that feeling tenfold.
Is it wrong for me to hope they get too close to the human barricade and someone spits on them?
"The Westboro Baptist Church said Monday it plans to picket Thursday's funeral for Christina Taylor Green because "God sent the shooter to deal with idolatrous America." The fundamentalist church has picketed many military funerals to draw attention to its view that the deaths are God's punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.
Lawmakers denounced the church's plan to picket a child's funeral.
"This is just horrific that ... people have to deal with this. We shouldn't have to do this in time of great pain for our state," said Sen. Kyrsten Sinema, a Phoenix Democrat."
The minute I saw the article, I KNEW it was the Westboro Baptist jerks up to no good again. After all the protests they've done at soldiers' funerals, and all the disgusting propaganda they've tried to spread, you just begin to learn their mark.
Things get under my skin, but the Westboro Baptist "Church" really just pushes it to the max.
Church, and God, as I understand it are there to save people, and to cleanse you of your sins. And the only one who can pass judgment upon you is God Himself, and He loves all His children, and does offer forgiveness. This is what I was taught while I still attended bible school.
So it just blows my mind to see that there is such a radical group out there who has decided God is killing soldiers, and now innocent people, because He doesn't like homosexuality?
I'm sorry what?
I've heard some serious bull shit in my time, but this just goes up there to be some of the biggest bull shit ever.
And it really just irritates me that these people think they have the right to protest at FUNERALS. People are grieving, and yet here they are making things worse!
But to just go and top it off, they then complain when people try to run them over with cars and throw rocks at them, and the police do little to stop it. What do you expect? You're interrupting a private affair with your protests because you're seriously homophobic and just can't seem to leave well enough alone.
Honestly, I'd probably want to hit you with my car too. Things like this disgust me.
I really don't care if you're homophobic. I don't care if you don't agree with homosexuality. I don't care if you think that God wants to kill us all for whatever reason.
But you DON'T push these ideas on others! And you definitely don't do so by protesting at funerals!
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised for them to protest at a military funeral, and to have one of the fine people who protect the freedom they say they're exercising to free speech and freedom of religion to snap and shoot them.
And it doesn't say much to know that their entire church is comprised only of their own family. Seriously, these are some twisted people.
So I have to give a partial high five to the states who have banned the protest at funerals. I'd give them a big one if they made it illegal period, no matter how far away you were. So what if it's a whole football field, they'll still manage to make their presence known.
Far as I'm concerned, they're committing the tort of nuisance, and should have some serious civil charges brought against them.
And really, it takes a seriously twisted group to cheer for the deaths of people, especially children. Absolutely disgusting.
Westboro disgusts me beyond belief. And this just reinforces that feeling tenfold.
Is it wrong for me to hope they get too close to the human barricade and someone spits on them?
This Could Be Part of What's Wrong with America Part II
Part I
It's time for round two of stupidity that's made the news, and my sarcasm to make it that much more enlightening! America, time to buy some chlorine for the gene pool!
Source
"WILMINGTON, Del. — Police in Delaware say a man broke into a house, got drunk and couldn't make his way back outside _ so he called 911 for help.
New Castle County police say 44-year-old John Finch was trapped in the home in part because he'd broken into it before, back in April. That led the homeowner to change the locks so that a key was required _ even inside.
Police say no one was home when Finch broke in again, through a rear window. He stayed for a few days, drinking three bottles of gin and two bottles of whiskey. When he tried to leave, he was too drunk to climb back out of the window and called 911. He was arrested Wednesday afternoon.
Finch now faces charges in both break-ins. Police say he was admitted to a hospital and has yet to make a court appearance. There's no indication Finch has retained an attorney."
I hope he didn't quit his day job, because apparently burglary just isn't high up on his skill set.
Source
"FAIRFIELD, Conn. — The older man cruising along Interstate 95 in Connecticut could have been just another traveler _ except that he was in an electric wheelchair, in the breakdown lane, while cars and trucks barreled along a few yards away.
The mystery of the unidentified man in the cozy blue coat and sunglasses is leaving some chuckling, including witnesses who videotaped his unorthodox trip Thursday along the breakdown lane and off an exit in Fairfield.
Connecticut State Police say their troopers didn't encounter the intrepid traveler, but surely would have warned him about what vehicles are _ and aren't _ allowed on the highway."
Well, I guess he just couldn't afford the price of gas anymore. And at the rate gas is rising, this could be a trend! At least the people who sell winter weather stuff will make a fortune.
Source
"LOS ANGELES — The Ohio homeless man whose smooth broadcaster voice made him an Internet sensation was questioned by police after he and his daughter got into a heated argument at a hotel during a trip to Hollywood to appear on "Dr. Phil" and "Entertainment Tonight."
"I don't know how loud they were," Officer Catherine Massey said, but the argument around 9 p.m. Monday at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel & Spa led to a disturbance report.
"It was minor. Both parties were angry but there were no signs of visible abuse," Massey said Tuesday. She said Ted Williams and his daughter "were brought in, calmed down, talked to and released" and she did not know the nature of the argument."
Man, if this is cause to be taken in by the police, my family should have been arrested long ago. Last time I checked, heated arguments were pretty normal. And furthermore, who cares about his personal life that much? Really now? I'm not impressed.
Yeah... welcome to America.
It's time for round two of stupidity that's made the news, and my sarcasm to make it that much more enlightening! America, time to buy some chlorine for the gene pool!
Source
"WILMINGTON, Del. — Police in Delaware say a man broke into a house, got drunk and couldn't make his way back outside _ so he called 911 for help.
New Castle County police say 44-year-old John Finch was trapped in the home in part because he'd broken into it before, back in April. That led the homeowner to change the locks so that a key was required _ even inside.
Police say no one was home when Finch broke in again, through a rear window. He stayed for a few days, drinking three bottles of gin and two bottles of whiskey. When he tried to leave, he was too drunk to climb back out of the window and called 911. He was arrested Wednesday afternoon.
Finch now faces charges in both break-ins. Police say he was admitted to a hospital and has yet to make a court appearance. There's no indication Finch has retained an attorney."
I hope he didn't quit his day job, because apparently burglary just isn't high up on his skill set.
Source
"FAIRFIELD, Conn. — The older man cruising along Interstate 95 in Connecticut could have been just another traveler _ except that he was in an electric wheelchair, in the breakdown lane, while cars and trucks barreled along a few yards away.
The mystery of the unidentified man in the cozy blue coat and sunglasses is leaving some chuckling, including witnesses who videotaped his unorthodox trip Thursday along the breakdown lane and off an exit in Fairfield.
Connecticut State Police say their troopers didn't encounter the intrepid traveler, but surely would have warned him about what vehicles are _ and aren't _ allowed on the highway."
Well, I guess he just couldn't afford the price of gas anymore. And at the rate gas is rising, this could be a trend! At least the people who sell winter weather stuff will make a fortune.
Source
"LOS ANGELES — The Ohio homeless man whose smooth broadcaster voice made him an Internet sensation was questioned by police after he and his daughter got into a heated argument at a hotel during a trip to Hollywood to appear on "Dr. Phil" and "Entertainment Tonight."
"I don't know how loud they were," Officer Catherine Massey said, but the argument around 9 p.m. Monday at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel & Spa led to a disturbance report.
"It was minor. Both parties were angry but there were no signs of visible abuse," Massey said Tuesday. She said Ted Williams and his daughter "were brought in, calmed down, talked to and released" and she did not know the nature of the argument."
Man, if this is cause to be taken in by the police, my family should have been arrested long ago. Last time I checked, heated arguments were pretty normal. And furthermore, who cares about his personal life that much? Really now? I'm not impressed.
Yeah... welcome to America.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Defending the Guilty
So I've been keeping up with everything surrounding the shooting in Arizona recently, and I got to thinking; how does one come to the decision that they are able to create a defense for an obviously guilty party?
I mean, there is no denying the fact that Jared Loughner is guilty of shooting and wounding numerous people, including the Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, and killing six. A number of people saw him do it, and two people tackled him on the spot. There is no question about what happened.
So how does someone honestly decide to defend such a person?
I don't think ill of his defense lawyer, because everyone does deserve to at least fully understand what's going on amongst all the laws and legalease and whatnot. Still, it boggles my mind as to how anyone can do that for someone like Loughner.
If I were in Clarke's shoes, I wouldn't be able to do it.
For as much grief as we put lawyers through with the jokes and the hard feelings, they really do have to make some tough decisions and do things they might not necessarily feel right about. Especially public defenders, who don't really have a choice about who they defend. At least 75% of their clients are probably guilty, and they still have to try and build a defense for them.
I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I knew my job might let criminals run free, no matter how petty the crime. I just couldn't do it.
And I can't imagine that in the beginning you can choose which cases to take, and which ones not to necessarily. Because until you've got that name for yourself, and notoriety, no one is going to hire you. So you have to join a firm and take what you can get.
My other thought though, is how good of a defense are these lawyers building at times anyways? Is it possible that a lawyer might not help a client to the full extent if they know they're guilty? I mean, lawyers are still people too, with emotions and consciences. It stands to reason that they might half-ass a job with a client that they know deserves jail time and not a free ride.
After what Loughner did, I know if I were Clarke I'd half-ass it. So I have to give her credit for even volunteering to step into the ring on this one, and giving it a go. I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do what most lawyers do. Not if I wanted to sleep at night.
I mean, there is no denying the fact that Jared Loughner is guilty of shooting and wounding numerous people, including the Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, and killing six. A number of people saw him do it, and two people tackled him on the spot. There is no question about what happened.
So how does someone honestly decide to defend such a person?
I don't think ill of his defense lawyer, because everyone does deserve to at least fully understand what's going on amongst all the laws and legalease and whatnot. Still, it boggles my mind as to how anyone can do that for someone like Loughner.
If I were in Clarke's shoes, I wouldn't be able to do it.
For as much grief as we put lawyers through with the jokes and the hard feelings, they really do have to make some tough decisions and do things they might not necessarily feel right about. Especially public defenders, who don't really have a choice about who they defend. At least 75% of their clients are probably guilty, and they still have to try and build a defense for them.
I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I knew my job might let criminals run free, no matter how petty the crime. I just couldn't do it.
And I can't imagine that in the beginning you can choose which cases to take, and which ones not to necessarily. Because until you've got that name for yourself, and notoriety, no one is going to hire you. So you have to join a firm and take what you can get.
My other thought though, is how good of a defense are these lawyers building at times anyways? Is it possible that a lawyer might not help a client to the full extent if they know they're guilty? I mean, lawyers are still people too, with emotions and consciences. It stands to reason that they might half-ass a job with a client that they know deserves jail time and not a free ride.
After what Loughner did, I know if I were Clarke I'd half-ass it. So I have to give her credit for even volunteering to step into the ring on this one, and giving it a go. I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do what most lawyers do. Not if I wanted to sleep at night.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Racist School Project
My boyfriend is currently attending an online college, and for the purposes of this blog entry I am not going to specify which. If you know based off the project, please do not mention it.
This college requires him to take a course that is an interdisciplinary study of the 60s. He is a nutritional science major. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's required based off the nature of his course--one of those bullshit classes you just have to have to pass college. For whatever reason, this is the required one and he couldn't change it to something else in the same category. He's not too pleased about it, but at least he'll never have to take it again. And even more thankfully, semesters here are 10 weeks of intense study, one week off, repeat. So he only has to deal with this for about two months.
Unfortunately the professor has gotten off on a very bad foot with both my boyfriend, and myself.
The first project they are to complete requires them to go out and take a photo of a minority (I can't remember if it specified black or not, but I think it did. I'll ask tomorrow) being treated in a racist manor by a white person, then come back, share the photo and write a report on it.
This irritates me on so many levels.
First and foremost, taking a photo of that nature is illegal unless you're covering a news story, in which case it falls under documentary photography. Even for school, it's an invasion of privacy and you do have to ask permission. I went to school for photography, and they pounded these things into my head.
Second, as backed up by a friend of ours who is a lawyer, not only is the photography technically illegal, but if the school weren't a private institution, the project probably would be too. He said that if they pushed the limits much further, it would be, it's that borderline.
But my biggest gripe is definitely that they're singling out white people as some sort of suppressor, and forcing people to look for racism.
I have said for a long time that affirmative action is a step backwards. Affirmative action just makes us all look at people as different, and tread on eggshells.
I live in an area full of people who don't give a damn about affirmative action, and I'd like to tell you that we have little to no racism here. It doesn't matter what color your skin is or where you came from, here you're judged on your actions and not your ancestry. And we do not call the black people "African American", they're black. We're white, not "Caucasian". Actually, many of us just consider ourselves American, and that's that.
It's definitely different in cities, especially the bigger ones. But we live an hour from any major city, making it so we're not exposed to that sort of stuff often.
But I am a firm believer that affirmative action drives us apart. The more you make people have to be careful of differences, the more it will stay in their minds that we are somehow different. We're not! We're all human beings. We all bleed red blood, we all cry salty tears, and every one of us is made from the same number of chromosomes (usually).
I really think racism would disappear a lot faster if affirmative action went away. If the fear of calling someone black weren't there, if people just blended together and didn't care that someone was a little darker than them.
And I can't claim that I'm totally above racism either, which brings me to my second point.
Racism is never going to totally go away, so stop making it worse than it has to be by focusing on it.
I was young when 9-11 happened, about 12 years old to be exact. I was a very impressionable child, and the thing that we learned at that age very fast was that the Muslims were very bad people. Particularly the men.
I'm 21 now at the time of writing this, and I will admit that I do not like Muslim men to this day. I have no foundation as to why not, except for what happened on 9-11, and just how much it really affected myself because I live in the state of New York. Knowing that I have a fairly unfounded prejudice though makes me stop and think before I just act unfairly towards someone, and if at all possible I simply try to avoid them.
Having a prejudice isn't something you can just toss aside at any time. And in times of war and hardship, those who are young and impressionable, and those who are angry, will develop unfounded prejudices and racism. It's just how the human mind works.
It happened in WWII. It happened in the Cold War. It happened during Vietnam. And it's happening now.
And people need to realize that sometimes their hatred has no foundation, and try to control it. No one is perfect, and you can't please everyone. We are all never going to get along. But causing more friction then necessary doesn't help either.
This project I think simply exemplifies a very bad train of thought in this country--white people are always the bad guys, and we're very racist.
It just brings to light that affirmative action still has us sectioning ourselves into categories, instead of melting and working together.
It shows that there is some seriously flawed ideas out there.
So my boyfriend did contact his professor and let her know that:
A) He doesn't own a digital camera, and even if he did, he probably couldn't operate it well enough for the project in time.
B) We don't live in that kind of area
C) He doesn't agree with the idea of the project.
The professor told him that he had to do the project anyways, but since he did not own a digital camera, nor did he live in an area with racism, to simply take an image off google and use that.
So now he's taking someone else's work, that may not have been trying to state such a message, and making it say that.
I'm just disgusted with the whole thing.
It's shit like this that causes more racism than necessary, and it needs to stop.
And furthermore, white people are discriminated against too!
This college requires him to take a course that is an interdisciplinary study of the 60s. He is a nutritional science major. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's required based off the nature of his course--one of those bullshit classes you just have to have to pass college. For whatever reason, this is the required one and he couldn't change it to something else in the same category. He's not too pleased about it, but at least he'll never have to take it again. And even more thankfully, semesters here are 10 weeks of intense study, one week off, repeat. So he only has to deal with this for about two months.
Unfortunately the professor has gotten off on a very bad foot with both my boyfriend, and myself.
The first project they are to complete requires them to go out and take a photo of a minority (I can't remember if it specified black or not, but I think it did. I'll ask tomorrow) being treated in a racist manor by a white person, then come back, share the photo and write a report on it.
This irritates me on so many levels.
First and foremost, taking a photo of that nature is illegal unless you're covering a news story, in which case it falls under documentary photography. Even for school, it's an invasion of privacy and you do have to ask permission. I went to school for photography, and they pounded these things into my head.
Second, as backed up by a friend of ours who is a lawyer, not only is the photography technically illegal, but if the school weren't a private institution, the project probably would be too. He said that if they pushed the limits much further, it would be, it's that borderline.
But my biggest gripe is definitely that they're singling out white people as some sort of suppressor, and forcing people to look for racism.
I have said for a long time that affirmative action is a step backwards. Affirmative action just makes us all look at people as different, and tread on eggshells.
I live in an area full of people who don't give a damn about affirmative action, and I'd like to tell you that we have little to no racism here. It doesn't matter what color your skin is or where you came from, here you're judged on your actions and not your ancestry. And we do not call the black people "African American", they're black. We're white, not "Caucasian". Actually, many of us just consider ourselves American, and that's that.
It's definitely different in cities, especially the bigger ones. But we live an hour from any major city, making it so we're not exposed to that sort of stuff often.
But I am a firm believer that affirmative action drives us apart. The more you make people have to be careful of differences, the more it will stay in their minds that we are somehow different. We're not! We're all human beings. We all bleed red blood, we all cry salty tears, and every one of us is made from the same number of chromosomes (usually).
I really think racism would disappear a lot faster if affirmative action went away. If the fear of calling someone black weren't there, if people just blended together and didn't care that someone was a little darker than them.
And I can't claim that I'm totally above racism either, which brings me to my second point.
Racism is never going to totally go away, so stop making it worse than it has to be by focusing on it.
I was young when 9-11 happened, about 12 years old to be exact. I was a very impressionable child, and the thing that we learned at that age very fast was that the Muslims were very bad people. Particularly the men.
I'm 21 now at the time of writing this, and I will admit that I do not like Muslim men to this day. I have no foundation as to why not, except for what happened on 9-11, and just how much it really affected myself because I live in the state of New York. Knowing that I have a fairly unfounded prejudice though makes me stop and think before I just act unfairly towards someone, and if at all possible I simply try to avoid them.
Having a prejudice isn't something you can just toss aside at any time. And in times of war and hardship, those who are young and impressionable, and those who are angry, will develop unfounded prejudices and racism. It's just how the human mind works.
It happened in WWII. It happened in the Cold War. It happened during Vietnam. And it's happening now.
And people need to realize that sometimes their hatred has no foundation, and try to control it. No one is perfect, and you can't please everyone. We are all never going to get along. But causing more friction then necessary doesn't help either.
This project I think simply exemplifies a very bad train of thought in this country--white people are always the bad guys, and we're very racist.
It just brings to light that affirmative action still has us sectioning ourselves into categories, instead of melting and working together.
It shows that there is some seriously flawed ideas out there.
So my boyfriend did contact his professor and let her know that:
A) He doesn't own a digital camera, and even if he did, he probably couldn't operate it well enough for the project in time.
B) We don't live in that kind of area
C) He doesn't agree with the idea of the project.
The professor told him that he had to do the project anyways, but since he did not own a digital camera, nor did he live in an area with racism, to simply take an image off google and use that.
So now he's taking someone else's work, that may not have been trying to state such a message, and making it say that.
I'm just disgusted with the whole thing.
It's shit like this that causes more racism than necessary, and it needs to stop.
And furthermore, white people are discriminated against too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)